Volume One, Chapter 23: "I never planned to live for long."

Xu Zhi originally thought that Liang Jinmo was about to say something. However, he said nothing at all. He merely gave her a deep look, then averted his gaze. She didn’t even have time to ponder what that look meant.

At that moment, Zhou He opened the cake and set it on the table. He came over, casually folded the paper crown that came with the cake, and gently placed it on Xu Zhi’s head. “Alright, birthday girl, let’s light the candles and make a wish.”

Zhou He lit the candles, the atmosphere reaching its peak as everyone began singing the birthday song. Liang Jinmo stood there, clapping along to the rhythm in a perfunctory manner, his thin lips unmoving.

Xu Zhi pretended to be delighted, closing her eyes to make a wish. Yet the first thing that surfaced in her mind was the same unchanging wish she made every year: may her family and Liang Muzhi stay healthy and at peace.

It was almost a reflex—her wish would emerge before she could even think about it.

When she opened her eyes, her vision was slightly blurred. The people around her were still singing, everyone seemed so happy.

So this is what a birthday without Liang Muzhi feels like. She was not happy—not in the least. And she could not tell anyone, for he already had a girlfriend.

He was in a relationship now. As a friend, all she could do was offer her blessings; even her sadness had to be hidden in secret.

She didn’t know how much longer she could carry on like this—always, consciously or not, thinking of Liang Muzhi, recalling those irretrievable days, and the inevitable parting that lay ahead. The pain was like a knife to her heart; she was reaching her limit.

Her nose stung as she fought back tears, barely managing to hold them in. She accepted the plastic knife Zhou He handed her and began cutting the cake.

In the light, everyone could see her reddened eyes.

The atmosphere turned slightly awkward. Zhou He hesitated, then stood up. “Xu Zhi, let me help you.”

Grateful, Xu Zhi handed him the knife. “Thank you. I’m going to the restroom for a moment.”

She left the room, closing the door behind her.

The tension in the private room immediately eased. Zhou He said, “What happened? Did she get so moved she cried?”

Yang Xue knew very well what was going on, but since it was Xu Zhi’s personal matter, she didn’t feel it was her place to say. “It’s nothing. Let’s have some cake.”

Zhou He distributed the cake but couldn’t sit still. “Maybe I should go check on her…”

Just as he was about to get up, a hand reached out and pressed firmly on his shoulder, pinning him to his seat.

Zhou He looked up to see Liang Jinmo staring at him intently. When Liang Jinmo looked at someone with that kind of focus, Zhou He always found it a little intimidating, breaking out in a cold sweat. “Boss?”

“Eat your cake,” Liang Jinmo said, standing up. “I’m going out for a smoke.”

In an instant, Zhou He understood—Liang Jinmo was going to check on Xu Zhi. That meant he definitely shouldn’t go. As Liang Jinmo left, Zhou He couldn’t help but smile to himself.

Xu Zhi walked to the end of the corridor, taking a deep breath as she gazed out the window. She forced back the tears that were threatening to spill over once again.

Her phone buzzed in her pocket; she took it out to see Liang Muzhi calling. She put it on silent, staring at the screen as it dimmed and brightened again before finally answering.

“Little Zhi, have you eaten?” Liang Muzhi asked.

“I’m eating,” Xu Zhi replied.

“Why does your voice sound odd?” he asked with concern. “Are you feeling unwell?”

“No,” Xu Zhi tried hard to smile, but then realized that Liang Muzhi couldn’t see her, so it didn’t matter.

Liang Muzhi was silent for a few seconds before asking, “Did you get your present? Do you like it?”

“Mm…” Xu Zhi paused, “It’s very pretty.”

In the past, she would have cherished every gift from Liang Muzhi without a second thought. But now, her words were only a matter of politeness.

“Are you wearing it now?” Liang Muzhi asked again.

“I am,” she lied without skipping a beat.

His tone lightened slightly at her answer. “Chen Jing wants to do some more sightseeing, so we’ll probably stay in Hong Kong for a few more days. We’re in a penthouse suite here—you can see the whole city. The night view is beautiful. Little Zhi, I’ll bring you here to visit someday.”

Xu Zhi was puzzled. Was Chen Jing really so generous and open-minded that she’d let her boyfriend chat on the phone like this with an old female friend?

She didn’t ask, however. She, too, looked out at the nightscape of North City.

The distance between her and Liang Muzhi seemed to take physical form in that moment. She used to think they were inseparable, but now, they were in distant places, looking at different sights, surrounded by different people.

A sense of melancholy washed over her. She heard Liang Muzhi ask, “Who are you having dinner with tonight? Your roommates?”

“Mm, Yang Xue and some other friends.”

“Alright, then go enjoy your meal. By the way, do you need me to buy you anything?”

“No, thank you,” Xu Zhi replied.

After a short pause, Liang Muzhi said, “Alright.”

The conversation was awkward, lacking the ease and intimacy they once shared. Xu Zhi felt even worse. She wanted to tell him that the one she liked was him, to ask why he had to be so cruel—why she had to be the one to make herself give up, why even her heartbreak had to be faced alone. She wanted to say, let’s not talk anymore, because in that moment, she truly resented his selfishness, his nonchalance, and his inexplicable hold over her.

But in the end, she simply hung up quietly.

She began to seriously consider the possibility of studying abroad.

Footsteps sounded behind her. She looked back and froze.

Liang Jinmo approached with slow, steady steps, coming to stand beside her. He said nothing at first, only gazing out the window.

Xu Zhi was still lost in her own emotions and remained silent as well.

They stood quietly, shoulder to shoulder, for a long time. Finally, Xu Zhi asked, “Aren’t you going back?”

Liang Jinmo took a pack of cigarettes from his pocket. “You go ahead.”

It was the first thing he had said to her since they met that day.

Xu Zhi, belatedly remembering that video clip, felt her face flush with embarrassment. She did want to escape.

But after taking a few steps, she suddenly felt reluctant and turned back to look at Liang Jinmo.

He was lighting a cigarette with one hand, about to put the lighter away.

“What does it feel like to smoke?” she asked.

He turned his face to her. “Want to try?”

Xu Zhi was tempted but forced herself to resist. “Smoking is bad for your health. It can cause cancer.”

Liang Jinmo replied, “I never planned to live that long anyway.”

Xu Zhi felt something inside her stir. In all her memories, Liang Jinmo had never shown a trace of vulnerability. Yet no one knew that she had once witnessed the teenage boy leap from the winding bridge over the artificial lake without a moment’s hesitation.