Chapter Fifty-Four: Time to Eat! Time to Drink!

A series of dishes crafted from every edible part of the pig—braised pork, stir-fried fatty intestines, sweet and sour pork, and more—had filled the long dining table. Twenty rustic chairs lined up, awaiting the arrival of a crowd of gourmands.

“Hahaha, I, Old Cheng, just love these chairs—so comfortable to sit on!” With a roguish air, Cheng Chumo dropped heavily onto one, crossing his legs and humming a tune that no one else could decipher.

Li Yi walked over and bent close to his ear, speaking quietly, “Brother Chumo! My servants told me we’re missing a few chairs here!”

Cheng Chumo, unfazed and innocent-eyed, looked at Li Yi. “Really? Brother Yi, you want me to help you catch the thief? No problem!”

“No need, it’s nothing. Those missing chairs hadn’t been properly treated. Sit for a short while and it’s fine, but sit too long and you’ll get hemorrhoids. Whoever uses them will find out soon enough.”

Cheng Chumo jumped up in alarm. “What? Why didn’t you say so sooner? No wonder my backside’s been uncomfortable these days!”

“Cheng the rascal, what happened to your butt?” At that moment, a group of idle young men and several beauties entered. Upon hearing Cheng Chumo’s complaint, Yuchi Baolin was instantly excited.

Cheng Chumo blushed and glared at Li Yi. “Damn you, Blackie, there’s nothing wrong with my butt! Mind your own business!”

Li Yi, satisfied, laughed softly. “Everyone, please take your seats! A friendly reminder: today there are ladies present, so please mind your table manners!”

The group of familiar rakes who had come before all lowered their heads in embarrassment. Chang Le, however, was incredulous. “Brother Li, you’re not making us sit together, are you?”

“That’s right. Don’t worry, I’ve prepared separate dishes for you girls. It’s only the seating that’s together—it makes things livelier!”

The five young women breathed a sigh of relief, so long as they didn’t have to share dishes with the rowdy men.

“Don’t just stand there, take your seats!”

Everyone sat down, and perhaps because of the presence of the beauties, these usually burly men behaved like shy daughters-in-law, sitting upright and still.

“Come now, we’re all friends here—no need to be so stiff! By the way, why are there so few girls today?”

Chang Le shot Li Yi a glare. “Do you think everyone has a thick skin like you? I came to thank you, Yu Zhang was dragged along by me, as for Xue Yan and Zi Xuan, you can guess yourself! The others—well, they don’t know you, so why should they come?”

Li Yi nodded in understanding. “You’re right. But this won’t do. In a few days, let’s gather again. Just us men, and for the women, it’s up to you—invite your close friends, let’s all get together!”

Page (1/3)

Chang Le’s eyes flashed. “You shameless Li Yi, you philanderer! What do you want with so many beauties?”

The other rakes eyed Li Yi strangely—he dared to openly invite beauties in front of his would-be wife. Bold indeed! They glanced at Li Xue Yan, who seemed perfectly unperturbed, and their admiration for her grew.

Li Yi saw their expressions and knew they misunderstood him—again. “Where are your thoughts wandering? Am I that kind of man?”

They recalled his cheeky confession to Li Xue Yan and answered in unison, “Yes!”

“Can’t win with you lot. Rest assured, there’s a purpose to that day—one that concerns your lifelong happiness. That’s all I can say. If you miss it, don’t blame me for being unkind. There’s only one chance!”

Cheng Chumo pondered for a while, then suddenly understood. “Oh! You want us to meet potential matches—certainly a matter of lifelong importance! Brother Yi is truly thoughtful!”

The others caught on as well, and Chang Le and Yu Zhang lowered their heads in shy embarrassment, lost in their own thoughts.

“Fine! Think what you like. I’ll let you know when the time comes. Come if you want, ignore it if you don’t. Bai Yu, bring the wine!”

At Li Yi’s call, Bai Yu entered with several servants, carrying jars of wine and placing them by each guest. The wine by Li Xue Yan and her two companions was different, and after arranging everything, Bai Yu and her staff left.

“My brothers, don’t say I don’t look out for you. This is a special wine my master gave me before I left home—‘Ice and Fire Blaze,’ they call it. It lets you experience the extremes of cold and heat. As the saying goes, joy shared is joy doubled, so tonight, let’s all enjoy it together!”

“Haha! Brother Yi, you’re the best. I won’t be shy, I can already smell the aroma!” Cheng Chumo eagerly opened a jar and filled his cup, and the others followed suit. The wine for Li Xue Yan and her companions was a bright orange-yellow.

Li Xue Yan glanced at the clear, water-like wine the others had, then at her own. “Brother Yi, why is our wine like this?”

“Theirs is strong—unsuitable for you. Yours is a fruit wine I prepared specially. It’s excellent!”

“Come, brothers, let’s drain this cup!” Li Yi said, and tossed back his wine in one gulp. He was used to its taste, so it was nothing to him.

But the others suffered. Unaware of its potency, they followed Li Yi’s lead and downed it in one go. With a strength of forty or fifty degrees, only those who drank it could know its fire.

Li Ke’s handsome face puffed up as if he’d grown two bubbles, unable to swallow. The three Cheng brothers’ already round faces now looked like full balls. The two strongmen from the Yuchi family, usually dark-faced, had gained a flush. The others fared no better, each with their own awkward expressions. Determined not to lose face before the beauties, they persevered—especially Chang Sun Chong, who was miserable. He wanted to swallow but couldn’t, wanted to spit but, seeing Princess Yu Zhang watching with concern, held back. Ironically, their posturing only made them look worse. Women admire men with backbone, but not those who stubbornly cling to their pride beyond their abilities.

Li Yi watched from the sidelines, thoroughly entertained. Ah, the days of hard work were worth it for this! A bunch of shameless old rogues—now you know who’s boss! How delightful, how satisfying!

Eventually, the sturdier military men managed to swallow. Their faces paled, while the weaker scholars couldn’t hold out and spat it out. Curiously, Chang Sun Chong managed to gulp it down—love works wonders, it seems.

Page (2/3)

Li Yi, seeing the spectacle was over, took his turn. “Well now, what’s the rush? I told you, it’s a bit strong, yet you drank so fast. Such a waste, all that wine gone to ruin!”

Li Ke, supported by Li Yi, managed a helpless smile. “Brother Yi, you really are...”

“Haha! Enough, it was just a joke. Don’t worry, after a bit of spitting, you’ll get used to it. This wine needs a bit of a shock to reveal its wonders. Try a small sip now, and you’ll see!”

Doubtful, the group took a small sip. Indeed, the harshness was gone, replaced by a rich, mellow fragrance lingering in their mouths.

“Haha, wonderful wine, wonderful wine!”

With the joke behind them, the atmosphere grew warm and lively. Laughter and chatter filled the table, playful banter abounding.

“Hey! Blackie, stop grabbing my braised pork!”

“Cheng the rascal, you liar—who took your braised pork?”

“You did! That whole plate is mine, anyone eating it is stealing!”

...

“Brother Chang Sun, eat now, stop staring!”

“Oh! I was just admiring how these ribs were prepared!”

...

Page (3/3)